The Last Post

This is it - buckle up for the last ever post from me. Sad? I am. So let's start with a winge for old time's sake. Although I'm immensely depressed about having to come home (although it'll be lovely to see you all, obviously) I won't miss one phenomenon specific to travelling and that's the Packing Show. This is where you're treated to a special presentation of selfish thoughtless bastards stuffing various items into their plastic bags (for optimum noise pollution and maximum waking up potential) and zipping up bags over a massively drawn out period of time. Let's say at least one hour, cos that's what it was this morning. I hate them. I hate them so much for their lack of foresight - I mean, who wants to get up before they have to? All they need to do is engage their (admittedly microscopic) brains into realising if they do this the day before they can lie in longer. It's not bloody rocket science. It's packing. This will be the sound that reminds me of travelling the most - the noise of the traveller - the sound of the zip in the morning. Bags, jeans, hoodies, all being zipped up, all for the pleasure and priviledge of those other poor bastards in your dorm. So many awful things have I muttered about these peanut-brained imbeciles, so many horrible platitudes of unforgiveable venom, and now it's nearly over I stand by every one of them. And don't even get me started on the use of the snooze button in a dorm room. Immeasureable selfishness beyond any scale created.

That felt good. Always nice to have a blog rant - I'll miss these a huge amount now as this is the last post. Ever. What will take its place, I wonder? I shudder to think, but I imagine my vision will become impaired, at the very least.

Now on to more inspiring topics and the final step in Argentina - the legendary Iguazu Falls. There will be a picture posted on here, but I have to wait for it to be sent to me by my lovely assistant, Tessa. If you're reading this, Tess, let's not let the public down, eh? There's a certain poetic symmetry which comes tied into this touristy hotspot. Those who will cast their minds back so many months may remember it was in my first week in Canada that I visited the Niagara Falls and it seems fitting that Iguazu should be one of my final tours - now boths falls act as thunderous bookends to this little adventure of mine. There's a picture of Iguazu on the back of my Rough Guide and I always knew it would be one of the last things I would do while in South America, so when I arrived there was a finality about the trip - that's not to say something negative, but rather something significantly important beyond the attraction itself. This one signalled the end, but I was to go out with a bang.

My God. I was impressed with Niagara when I got there, but Iguazu makes it look like a runny nose. These falls lying on the Argentina/Brazil border are simply magnificent - there's no more apt word for it. As you approach you already feel overwhelmed, but as the day stretches out so do the falls, spread as they are over a gigantic distance with incredible views around every corner. You can stand above them watching them pound into the ground below, underneath them, feeling said ground tremble with the sheer volume of water, or even get in a boat and ride into them for that authentic all-natural shower you more than need after trekking around them all day. In short, set in the jungle landscape with Brazil in sight across the water, these falls are quite stunning and richly deserve their place in the seven natural wonders of the world. Is it in that? I think so. I'm so glad my trip was this way round as these waterfalls were well worth the wait and come in high in my top five experiences in South America. Water way to have a good time. Reference, anyone? Canada, you can have the white water rafting, but the falls belong to South America. One-all.

So that's it. After a week of excess in Sao Paulo that included dancing on stage with a transvestite at the gayest of clubs, much to the audible derision of the crowd, clubbing with dwarf messengers and an eye-watering proliferation of pornography at every turn, my time here is at an end. Seven and a half months. Not quite the year originally planned, but still a healthy stint in anyone's book. Once again, I suppose this is a good time to reflect on my adventure. Sort of a game of two halves really - Canada in the first and South America making up the last. The two places could not be more different - but that much is surely blindingly obvious. I remember saying when I summed up Canada that it wasn't an archetypal travelling experience, but South America definitely gets that mantle. Much more the Lonely Planet style of destination, with unpredictable bowel fluctuations to match (last poo reference ever. Sad) South America has been infinately more challenging as a continent to travel around, but these challenges have come with great rewards. I've seen and done things I never expected to for the last two and a half months and these experiences will stay with me for the rest of my life. I've met some extraordinary people, indigenous and otherwise, from every walk of life and, of course, some total wankers. Let us not forget the wankers. Of course, no-one will ever top the unbelieveable tosser I lived with in Canada. Affas set the bar high there and has made an indelible impression upon me - the stories of this knucklehead will resonate throughout my life. I think it is my duty now to teach others of the egotistical horror that lies within reach of all of us. How to be a bad human. Shudder.

Anyway, moving on from darker times, this has been a journey for me in more than just a physical sense. Have lessons been learned and personal demons assuaged? Not quite, but I think we'll get there someday. Travelling on your own affords great time for personal reflection and I've done a lot of that. I know more about myself now and my abilities and limitations, but the question is, will this make me a better person? Who can tell? But I'm sure it'll make me a better singer, at the very least.

Final thanks to Sebastian, although I can't see that page yet. I'm sure England will be friendlier to the Guardian website and I'll check it out there. And Callum and Nina, although you managed to both put a comment on different posts to the last one I know you meant well. God bless us, everyone. Merry Christmas and until next time. Love Andrew X