BA Fracas

The pure excess of it all. Buenos Aires was recommended for its nightlife and in this respect it has not been a disappointment. I got into the city after another eventful bus journey, this time - having decided after a couple of wines, a beer or two and some English-speaking films that this was the best bus I'd ever been on - a little shit threw a rock through the window and, while once we enjoyed space and comfort by the cama-load, we all got squeezed into the front of the bus and I got stuck next to a paranoid junkie hag who kept thumping her fist on the seat while describing her much-hated flatmate. And frothing at the mouth a little too. Mad old bint.

Anyway, this has easily been my least cultural city. I'm feeling guilty about this as well because there are plenty of things to do, but I've managed to circumnavigate them all by hopping on board the beer train - all aboard, next stop drunkenness! (reference to The Office, in case anyone thought I was that much of a twat. I expect a witty retort to that last declaration in the comments please) These are the things I missed out on:

- Seeing beautiful coloured houses made out of zinc-corrugated metal sheets in the Boca area.

- Missing a football match in Argentina. Two have been played since I arrived.

- Going to a tango bar and watching the forbidden dance in its home.

Unforgiveable, obviously, but let's not dwell on the negative and have a look at those memories I will be taking with me. They are as follows:

- Going to Maradonna's nightclub and... well, just look at that picture.

- Getting thrown out of a karaoke bar (oh yes, the obsession continues) for creating a limbo stick with my leg on a table and smashing lots of glasses. Did I mention I was mad? Sometimes I have been sick. I am so lonely.

- Getting thrown out of lesbian club for having a penis. Allegedly.

- Singing with a live band at the hostel in front of a packed house. Don't Look Back In Anger and Twist and Shout, if you're interested.

- Eating more juicy and huge steaks than you could shake a colon at. It has become more coal than brown trout now.

So you see, although some time does seem to have been squandered, Buenos Aires has been a landmark city for me, affording many stories and classic nights I'll never forget. I may be carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders now that the post-binge demons circle close by, but that'll pass and I'll be left with the memory of Jono from Oz stumbling from the room at 7:30am for a nightcap in nothing but a poncho, a Las Vegas Gun Club cap and one sock. Wrong, of course, but in equal measure, surprisingly right.

I did actually do a couple of culturey things, but these tales seem a little more blog-friendly. I know what you people want, don't I? If I'm wrong then I should give you what you really want and detail these other more culturey things discussed earlier. After the rock/window/thrown incident on the bus I arrived at the Milhouse Hostel and with a few hours to kill before my room was ready I decided to take the walking tour to familiarise myself with my new city. To be honest, and if I'm nothing else I'm honest, it was a little dull and took in around five seperate churches where everyone was praying like the plane was going down and I felt a bit uncomfortable. At one point I wandered into a non-gringo area and got fairly forceably removed by an elderly lady with more strength than you would have initially credited her with. I think Jesus was helping her.

I also went to the famous cemetry, which we were told we 'must' go to by the hostel staff. This was quite interesting, but I'm pretty sure I saw a similar thing in France with my family a few years go. It consisted of hundreds - maybe even thousands of small to huge very religious structures all with varying degrees of big marble angels or sometimes even Big JC himself - milking it, as usual. Too much? Bit of a religious one, this. Didn't see that one coming. Anyway, Iguazu Falls next, then onto Brazil for my final border crossing of the trip. El buggero.

One comment (one?) again this week, this time from long-time contributor and stalwart of the blog, Al. Thanks for the important advice, Al - I think we've all learnt something there. Now, I don't want to push you, but this is the penultimate posting ever, and if you have something to say to me, now would be a good time to stick it in the comments. Time is running out to slag me off in print, don't miss this golden opportunity.