Wacky Racists

OK, so now I am in Peru and it was actually a pretty underwhelming first day - essentially an exercise in waiting in a cold hostel populated with old people. If you don't have a ludicrously obvious bumbag or a self-loathing fear that you've left it too long to have kids, you're nothing here. One woman actually started telling me how she was here to have her eggs frozen - I tried to lighten the mood by asking if it was like frozen yoghurt and if so, did they come in strawberry flavour? The dried up old husk didn't see the funny side. I read the whole of The Alchemist (actually didn't change my life) and took a wander around Miraflores - the area in Lima I'm staying in for 24 hours - but other than that I just waited for my overnight bus to Huaraz, which left at 10pm.

What is it with old women offering pointless and irritatingly obvious information to me? After the first instance of this on day one, I had another experience of it in the Lima hostel. She was an incredibly curt German woman who started by asking how much my flat cost in London - isn't that rude if you don't know the person? I think it's rude. Anyway, she went on to ask where I was getting the bus from and after showing her the address this is how the conversation went:

'Oh. But this is a dangerous area.'

'I didn't know, but I have to get my bus there, so....'

'You must be very careful. People here are robbed every day in taxis.'

'Yeah... I have to go by taxi though, I don't have any choice.'

'Some boy was robbed outside by his taxi yesterday. Lost everything.'

'I think it'll be fine. I really don't have an alternative anyway.'

'It's really not safe.'

You have to ask how useful this information is for me, who literally had to take a taxi to get there. I'll tell you, not useful at all. To cap it all off with she started getting all anti-semetic when New York came up:

'The Jews own everything there. You're not Jewish, are you?'

'Actually, my Dad was Jewish.'

'So you're half-Jewish?'

'Yes.'

'Well, you know then - they are the best at business. They're all rich. There are no working Jews outside of business.'

'That sounds like a bit of a sweeping generalisation, don't you think?'

'Jews don't like Germans.'

No, ordinary people don't like narrow-minded bigots who give their country a bad name. Fucking silly cow. I'm very glad I went to Germany last year and met some really warm and friendly people, so that this prehistoric fossil from another era didn't taint my opinion. I certainly don't have a problem with Germans - except this moron.

Anyway, leaving Nazi Germany to one side for a moment, as of this morning we are in the real thing. I arrived in Huaraz at 5am, so it was pitch black when I got to bed for a few hours sleep, but when I woke up and went outside - well, I'm definitely not in Kansas anymore. The town is surrounded by huge imposing mountains which dominate the landscape and give you that feeling you're being watched. The locals all look exactly the way you'd expect - I thought all that traditional dress was reserved for the tourists, but they're all in it and they all look like they could play the shit out of a panpipe, given half the chance. Is that racist? The problem is, there's no-one else here. I feel like the only gringo in the village and that's an odd sensation, given the huge amount of foreigners I've been used to bumping into until now. Fact is it's out of season at the moment - a detail I chose to ignore when coming over, which may prove to have been a little previous.

I've had conflicting reports about how the all-important weather will be though, but I suppose only time will tell. I have to spend the next two days acclimatising because it's so high round here (3,100ft) and I have to say, altitude sickness is a strange thing. My usual purposeful stride developed in London, has been downgraded to a meandering lollop cos every time I pick up the pace I feel like Rik Waller changing TV channels. This morning when I woke up I could hardly breathe - as you can imagine this made masturbating an almost impossible task. Almost, but with a little time and patience dreams really can come true.

I've been looking round and think I've found a company to do my trek of Santa Cruz with now, so after a couple of days fannying around getting extra waterproofs and sweating over my knuckle children trials I'll be off to the mountains. I'm very excited about this, but hope the weather holds out and that there are a couple of English-speakers on board. I'm running out of scraps of paper!

Thanks to you Rob for getting a comment in there early. I think that's called a back-handed compliment, isn't it? I realise I'm firing off lots of blogs at the moment, but stick with it - there's just so much to say!